Not Senior Year: Approaching Graduation!
At this time last year, I was writing my Year-in-Review from my couch while I was recovering from a Posterior Fossa Decompression surgery. Chiari Malformation had completely dictated my life last year and I’m blessed to say that this year, while challenging in many ways, was filled with joy and a lack of pain! I’m so grateful to be able to say that I’ve completed my fourth year at UC as a brain surgery survivor, Head Drum Major, President of a service sorority, a Woman of CWEST, an ODKat, and an on-coming capstone student. Wow, that looks like a lot more than it actually feels like when it’s listed out… If it weren’t for my supportive family and friends, especially those I never thought I’d meet, I would never have been able to accomplish and maintain those things. Let’s reflect!
After my surgery in June, I stayed at home in Cleveland for my recovery and was able to move back to Cincinnati on July 4th (after only a month of recovery!). Being home was great and I needed the recovery time, but I remember just desperately wanting to come back to Cincinnati and get back to doing what I love with those I love. I was incredibly excited to show up to the band’s July percussion camp and to see everyone I’d been missing. I did get some weird looks due to the giant scar in the back of my head, but everyone was supportive and excited to see me, too. I remember feeling completely filled with energy and devoid of pain, and just knowing that I was able to be involved in band again without the fear of falling off the podium or riddled with a migraine was the most exciting feeling in the world.
After my surgery in June, I stayed at home in Cleveland for my recovery and was able to move back to Cincinnati on July 4th (after only a month of recovery!). Being home was great and I needed the recovery time, but I remember just desperately wanting to come back to Cincinnati and get back to doing what I love with those I love. I was incredibly excited to show up to the band’s July percussion camp and to see everyone I’d been missing. I did get some weird looks due to the giant scar in the back of my head, but everyone was supportive and excited to see me, too. I remember feeling completely filled with energy and devoid of pain, and just knowing that I was able to be involved in band again without the fear of falling off the podium or riddled with a migraine was the most exciting feeling in the world.
During my recovery, I had this “crazy” idea that I wanted to give a TED Talk about my experience. I didn’t really know where that thought came from or even how I was going to accomplish that, but it became a pressing goal in my mind. Just a few weeks after telling my parents that and them supporting the idea, a flier popped up online about a request for students to speak about their UC experience at the 2016 Freshmen Convocation. That was the sign I needed, and I jumped at the opportunity. After submitting an application and interviewing for the spot, I was selected to speak! Before that, giving a TED Talk was just a wild idea, but now that it was actually happening, it was pretty scary! I had to somehow cram a year of confusion, self-discovery, and risk into a 3-minute presentation to give to 7,000 freshmen to try to convince them that they should never give up on themselves, even in the most difficult of times. I didn’t tell anyone in the band that I was giving this speech, so you can the funny looks and questions I got when I walked up on that stage, in full band uniform, in front of 7,000 students, 250 band members, many important UC administrators, and a few hundred parents (including my own that came all the way from Cleveland) to give my talk. I will never forget the feeling: I thought for sure my heart would be exploding with nerves, but honestly, I was calm. I was finally getting the opportunity to share my story and to help others overcome similar struggles in their own lives. That speech represented almost 2 years of suffering, confusion, hurt, and rebuilding coming to an end, and I was excited to show my school, my family, and my friends the new person I had become.
Speaking of becoming a new person, shortly after that, I had taken the biggest step I’ll probably ever take, and that was telling my parents I’m gay. It was something that had always been in the back of my mind, but I was just too afraid to pursue. With my surgery, though, I was shown that life is too short to live in fear, and I was ready to live my life the way I wanted. I expected my mom to be supportive and my dad to be skeptical, but it was actually the exact opposite. My mom used to be my best friend, but our relationship will never be the same after the weeks of not talking we spent, and she still pretends my girlfriend doesn’t exist. My dad is my savior, though, because he constantly asks about her and shows his support, and I’m so very thankful for that. This whole experience has taught me that sometimes it’s ok to fight for yourself and to do what “isn’t right” in the minds of others. I’ve always been the only-child who did everything her parents said and wanted, but this is the one time I’ve gone against their wishes because I care about myself and my quality of life, and that’s a decision I’m very proud of. My girlfriend, Teryn, is my best friend, my biggest supporter, my care taker, and my life partner, and I’ll always be glad I stood up for us.
The year went pretty normally after that, as I was doing band for the fourth year, I was a returning Drum Major, and I was back to normal studies. One day came in the fall, though, that changed everything for me. It was the end of a Thursday night rehearsal, and instead of just our normal band leadership and staff standing in front of the band to give announcements, there was a group of women in red scarves waiting to speak. I knew who they were and was questioning who they’d be there for, but when the Women of CWEST stood there and said they were there to recognize me, I was filled with joy and surprise. Being a Woman of CWEST was a goal I’d had since freshman year after I knew what they and METRO were for (my Big Brother from my sorority was in METRO), but I never thought I’d be good enough to get in. Being in CWEST has been an amazing experience for me. At first, I was honestly really uncomfortable because I didn’t know anyone except for my Big, Maggie, and they all were really confident, empowered women. I didn’t see myself as a woman with that sort of confidence and capability, but knowing that they all saw those qualities in me is something that I’ll be forever grateful for. I’m proud to be close friends and sisters with such incredible leaders on campus, and next year, I’ll be serving on the exec board for CWEST as one of the Talent Show co-chairs!
The year went pretty normally after that, as I was doing band for the fourth year, I was a returning Drum Major, and I was back to normal studies. One day came in the fall, though, that changed everything for me. It was the end of a Thursday night rehearsal, and instead of just our normal band leadership and staff standing in front of the band to give announcements, there was a group of women in red scarves waiting to speak. I knew who they were and was questioning who they’d be there for, but when the Women of CWEST stood there and said they were there to recognize me, I was filled with joy and surprise. Being a Woman of CWEST was a goal I’d had since freshman year after I knew what they and METRO were for (my Big Brother from my sorority was in METRO), but I never thought I’d be good enough to get in. Being in CWEST has been an amazing experience for me. At first, I was honestly really uncomfortable because I didn’t know anyone except for my Big, Maggie, and they all were really confident, empowered women. I didn’t see myself as a woman with that sort of confidence and capability, but knowing that they all saw those qualities in me is something that I’ll be forever grateful for. I’m proud to be close friends and sisters with such incredible leaders on campus, and next year, I’ll be serving on the exec board for CWEST as one of the Talent Show co-chairs!
That same fall, I was honored to be tapped into Omicron Delta Kappa, one of the highest scholastic honoraries in existence. I had a similar experience with that, as far as being a little unsure how to interact with the other members, but I’ve equally enjoyed it! That same moment came for me that I met all of these amazing campus leaders and decided that the way I was going to interact with them was going to be by striving to be as great as them. Every ODK meeting, I hear what my fellow ODKats are doing with their time at UC and I’m inspired to have the positive mentality and dedication to make my time here as influential as they have theirs.
The spring came and went as usual, band and TBS filled most of the free time in my life, and I was very ok with it! Last year as VPM for Theta, I didn’t get to have a Little, but this year, I was lucky enough that I got my first Little Brother! Sage has been one of the biggest blessings in my life, as he has taught me how to hold myself to a high standard, but to have fun and to not worry in the process. I knew then that he had all of the great qualities that a great leader needs to have, and he showed that as he was selected to be a 2017-2018 Drum Major! Being a Drum Major with my Little will be one of the most exciting experiences next year, and I absolutely can’t wait. Teryn was also selected to be our Associate Drum Major, so working with her in that capacity has been really amazing, as well.
This spring, I was also on co-op once again with Dr. Gilbert and his lab (the same as fall of 2015). This time, though, I was given a project with his collaborator, Dr. Pedapati in Psychiatry, that I am especially grateful for. The project was to design a tactile stimulatory device to be used with children with Fragile X Syndrome, a form of high-grade Autism. Dr. Pedapti’s team had already worked to establish a connection between an auditory ramp stimulus and brain waves on an EEG following the same ramp pattern, and they wanted to do the same with tactile stimulus. I worked that semester with Dr. Pedapati and we ended up developing and testing a device! I unfortunately had to leave the lab before it was used on patients, but the outlook looked great at the time and I’m excited to hear about its usage!
I’m also on co-op this summer as I write this, but I’m working in the lab of Dr. Steven Crone, in which I’ll be completing my capstone project. In the fall, Dr. Crone offered to host me in his lab as a capstone student. The project he suggested was very daunting and something I’ve never done before: to completely design and build a device to be used with their fluorescent microscopes that would keep a large section of mouse cervical spinal cord alive during imaging. This has actually never been done anywhere else! I was incredibly nervous because I’ve never actually designed a device and I could tell Dr. Crone had high expectations for me, but I was really excited to take on the opportunity to do something new. I’ve been starting my project this summer, and I’m excited to say that I have a general design approved and I’m about to start making progress on getting it built! I’ve absolutely loved the lab, as the other members of the team are really fun and encouraging, and I can’t wait to spend this year getting this project done and hopefully getting published for the first time ever!
I’m also on co-op this summer as I write this, but I’m working in the lab of Dr. Steven Crone, in which I’ll be completing my capstone project. In the fall, Dr. Crone offered to host me in his lab as a capstone student. The project he suggested was very daunting and something I’ve never done before: to completely design and build a device to be used with their fluorescent microscopes that would keep a large section of mouse cervical spinal cord alive during imaging. This has actually never been done anywhere else! I was incredibly nervous because I’ve never actually designed a device and I could tell Dr. Crone had high expectations for me, but I was really excited to take on the opportunity to do something new. I’ve been starting my project this summer, and I’m excited to say that I have a general design approved and I’m about to start making progress on getting it built! I’ve absolutely loved the lab, as the other members of the team are really fun and encouraging, and I can’t wait to spend this year getting this project done and hopefully getting published for the first time ever!
This year was filled with friends, fun, and new experiences, but this year was filled with a lot of “lasts” for me, and it gave me a scary look into what’s going to come next year. This year I saw many of the people I call my very first friends at UC be recognized at band senior night, give senior speeches for Theta, and walk across the stage. That last one, actually, was an especially cool experience because I was honored to serve in Ivy Chain, so I got a front row seat to watch my friends graduate! Despite that, though, when I saw some of my closest friends walk across the stage as their grand exit of UC, it really hit me that this is my last year, and that in 12 short months, I’d be doing the same. I really do feel that I’ve set myself up for success next year through the strides I made this year, but I’m still not ready to say goodbye. I remember being a freshman and thinking how I had 4 long years left at UC and I wasn’t worried about it a bit, but those years have come and gone and I’m finally at the point where I have to start facing goodbyes. I’m not ready to take that on yet, but if I’ve learned anything from the last two years, it’s that whether you’re ready or not, you have to face what’s in front of you and come out stronger from it. I’m ready to take on my senior year at UC and make the most of every single moment!